Nobody know what it is like to be me.... nobody

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME...
nobody.. and I MEAN nobody...

To be torn apart between good and evil
To be seperated from love
and to have a past that never was in the first place...

Come on... I DARE anybody say they understand me... because NOBODY does.. NOBODY CAN... and NOBODY is unfortunate enough to go through what I went through...

I never had a childhood.....
I was brought up by a father who seemed like a distant high almighty emperer and a mother who seem to treat acadamics as greater importance then religion itself....

Brought up as the middle child....
Not having the power of the oldest child
Yet having to bare the responsibility of the youngest child
Not having the pampered lifestyle of the youngest child
Yet having to look at him getting the benefits of a spoilt brat...

My accomplishments are an empty bubble in a bid to find myself...;
Nobody thinks that they are of any worth...
Nobody thinks that I am of any worth...

I seeked the love a father can give...
and ended up going on the wrong track...
You tell me... He can heal everything...
BUT CAN HE GIMME BACK MY CHILDHOOD???

I want my childhood... i crave for it... i long for it...
but i know i will never get it back...

Everytime I see a beautiful family... I feel the pinch of envy...
Everytime I see a father hug a son... I feel the slash of hopelessness...

Why can some people have such a beautiful family... while others dont?
Why do some children have to suffer because of what their parents did?

I am not born with looks... i know....
I am not born with charisma... i know....
I am not born into a happy family... i know...

Why do I have to meet the person who had everything I wanted...
and why am I becoming everything I did not want to be?.......

My emotions kill me... my heart is dying slowly... my mind is aching....

... and my past is the torture chamber...

The torment I go through... is seeing happiness given by a family... knowing that I will never have such...

Can I only be who I want in my dreams?...
I wanna die... I really wanna die....

Its so unfair... Love, money, family, friends, looks, God.... How much more can a person ask? How much more perfect can a person be?

Dont you ever wish.... you were someone else?

...I do...